Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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