Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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