Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
