she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
