You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
