third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
