maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize