I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize