hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
