I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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