I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
