everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dicks are not precious.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
