We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
