found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
