Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
