Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
