you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
