Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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