I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
