we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
