you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
