the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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