and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize