I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
