I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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