well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
