The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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