I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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