My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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