so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
