I can text with my tongue
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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