Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize