I accidentally burped into my bong.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
