i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
