Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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