"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
