Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
