you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she told me i tasted like america
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
