'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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