I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
