I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
