its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish I only lived at night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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