you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize