smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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