Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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