he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
