you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
