I can text with my tongue
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
