they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
