who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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