My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
