I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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