just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Randomize
