OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
