omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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