theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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