everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
