Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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