yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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