Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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