you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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