I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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