what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
