it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Damn victory sex feels great
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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