I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
