he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How's work?
Spinning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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