I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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