forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize