WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Two words: blizzard sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
