My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
