I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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