'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
