True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
