Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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