1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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