The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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