Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
