Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
