She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
