were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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