I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
