I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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