yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
