Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
