Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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