Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
