3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
oh god the rape fog is back!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
