Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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