It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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