Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
