the condom got lost in my hair
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
