So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i've created a new STD.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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