Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
