just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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