The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
