Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
