better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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