I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
