the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
