Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
