oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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