we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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