My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
