Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she pinky promised me she was 18
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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