I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
