im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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