question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
