He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to calm my uterus...
we're so committed to being not committed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
