You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
