i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
