Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
