Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
