What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
