Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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